Feel like I accomplished something...

I finished my taxes tonight. I helped cut grass. We taught ds how to ride a bike. I weeded some of my garden and straightened up my house. All done in a few hours this evening!! I am loving the warmer weather.

We flooded our house the other night. The washing machine did not stop filling up. The bad news is it got in our carpet. The good new is that it got in our carpet! The people that lived here before were not the cleanest people and let their dog do whatever. Well, when the water got in the carpet lets just say it was floating some really gross stuff. Dh said that is it, we are getting new carpet!! YEA!! We are going to rip it up this weekend. I am going to buy paint for my walls this week and we are going to finally redo the living room. I am so excited!! This carpet has been grossing me out since we moved in. We did take it up in the dining room, foyer and hallway and put hardwood floors down. It was disgusting when we pulled those rooms up. We had all carpets professionally steamed cleaned before we moved in, but there is no help for it.

I can't seem to get below 199. It is driving me crazy. I am not eating really bad at all. I know it is the lack of exercise. I just have to face it, I have to exercise now.

Nothing new really. Just plugging along. My weight is still 199.6. I am doing well with not eating sweets and keeping to my promise of lent.

Kids are finally all well.

My sister had her last Chemo treatment on tuesday. Yeah!! Now we just got to get through the next phase.

Dh got offered his job back, but at an $11,000 pay cut per year. That really hurts. We took the offer cause right now a job is better than no job and we need the health insurance. So there you go. We can work with it.

DD is much better. Still hacking, but doing good. Thank goodness. She really had me worried.

I have been 199.6 for the past 2 days!! Maybe I am finally out of the 200's. I think I am doing so much better with my eating. Not perfect, but more conscious. I just really wish I was motivated to exercise. 1 thing at a time. I need to get more comfortable with my eating and not over do it.

Nothing else much going on. Prayers for my mom(gma). She is having surgery on a corroted(?) artery tomorrow. I can't be there. I have used up all my days with my dd and my boss isn't seeming compassionate. So I just pray nothing goes wrong and I am not there. It is times like these that I miss being a stay at home mom.

DD is still sick. I was going to take her in, but the earliest time they could get her in was 2:45. I would not have been able to get out in time to make it on the refinance closing on our house. So, I was going to take her to the er. DH called and said to wait. We discussed it and we are just making her drink and eat and now we are making her get up and move around. It seems to be helping. I/we think that she is a little dehydrated. She hasn't eaten in 3 days and been laying around for 5 days. So it is making her weak and tummy sensitive. So far she has kept every thing down and starting to talk more and not cry or moan and groan. Boy, I tell you this flu was a bad one.

Still don't know about dh job. Just waiting on the letter. The sale happened today instead of tomorrow cause there were no other bidders. Hopefully we will know something soon.

I didn't even look at the scale today. I did slip up last night and went to sonic and got a large java chiller and a kid's wacky pack strips with french fries. At least I got the kids meal. I did not eat anything more before I went to bed. That was an accomplishment too. I always eat before I go to bed.

Tomorrow will be a better day I know!!

Still have a sick dd. I/she has been home from work and school since thursday. I tried going into work today and took her with me, but my boss said to take her home. She was sweet about it. I feel really bad missing work, but I did go in on thursday night and saturday for a little bit and got caught up. I told her I would go in later this afternoon when dh got home. She said she would have a list ready for me. Oh boy!! :)

Well, still don't know if dh has a job or not. The company was suppose to call us this weekend and let us know. Of course we had no phone service this weekend. Didn't get it back until this morning. Luckily, they didn't call any one. They told them this morning that they would let every one go on Wednesday and the ones that would be hired back will get a letter in the mail. I am not feeling good about this, but dh and I both said it is obvious God wants something different for us or either testing us. I hope he has a job, but if not I know we will survive.

My weight was back up to 200.2. I have done ok eating. No snacking. I am just pmsing. It is due ANY day. I am not stressing over it and am pretty proud of myself for not binging.

My sister has her last chemo treatment on Wednesday. YEAH!!! Then she has to have reconstruction, her ovaries taken out; she had a hysterectomy last summer, and then 6 weeks of radiation. I am ready for her to be well. She has had so many surgeries over her lifetime. I hope God shows mercy and this is it for her. She is such a good servant to Him and just an all around wonderful person.

I am keeping my chin up through all of this and doing my best not to eat emotionally. So far so good!

I have a VERY sick girl. DD has the flu and has had it since thursday. Last night she started vomiting. If she is not any better buy tomorrow, then back to the dr's we go. I am worried about her getting dehydrated. I hate it when my kids are sick. Trying to take care of her and also trying to keep the rest of the house well has been stressful.

Some good news on the scale today. I saw 199.7 AND it is pms time!!! I am doing something right. Right now I am just cutting back and trying not to snack as much. I will add exercise later.

I guess I need to get back to my sick dd. Every one have a great weekend and stay healthy!!

Dropped off the face of the earth!

I haven't really. No excuses. Just haven't wanted to blog. So, I wonder is blogging really for me? Is this something I really enjoy? Has it really helped me with my weight loss? I think it did at one time, but when I am not doing well or not staying on track I stop. Like I do with everything else. When I am doing bad I don't go to Weight Watcher, etc.

So,I am going to try this again. If I don't keep at it I will be done, I think. I just need to do this.

My weight. Well, I am still at 200.6. I have fluctuated between that and 202. Haven't seen under 200 in a while. But in a way I am proud of myself it has been over a year and I have only put back on 8lbs.

I am trying to get back on track. I gave up sweets for lent. Course I give up sweets every year for lent and I always gain or lose nothing because I over eat on every thing else to make up for it.

Marriage great, but dh might be losing his job due to the economy. Has been with this company for 20 years. So it is a little stressful. I have dd home sick with the flu right now. Hopefully, we don't all catch it, but our chances are not good.

House is still coming along. We have painted several rooms. Still waiting to get new carpet.

My father passed away December 29, 2008. My sister has been diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy in October of 08. She is going through the last of chemo and will soon start radiation. I am so thankful last year is over. It was one of my worst years ever.

So, now that I have bored ya! I am ready to give this one more try. I don't think any one reads any more, but I need to do this for myself. BTW, I do have a goal. Dh and I have our 20 year anniversary this year. I really wanted to lose at least 50 lbs. by then. I can do it if I really set my mind to it. Just got to get in the zone.

200.6

I ended up starting yesterday. I have made it one day on plan. I am trying to squeek by today. I am so hungry, but I am practicing saying NO! I still have 5 points left for the day and I am really trying hard not to eat everything right now. PMS is NOT helping. :(

Our yearbook from last year came in and let me just say OMG!!! I look SO FAT!! It is so disgusting. And to think some days I think I look half way decent. Not according to those pictures. So I just need to keep pulling out the yearbook and looking at those pictures. Plus I notice that on most of the pictures I didn't have any makeup on and my hair looked so so. I need to make more of an effort to make sure I don't look like a slob too. Now of course I have to wear dress clothes to work, but it just isn't flattering having the just rolled out of bed look.

OK, so I just need to get through tonight and a new day with new points awaits me.:)

Screw it!! I am starting monday!

WHY? WHY? WHY, can't I get back on track? My pants are starting to feel horribly snug. But of course this isn't stopping me from stuffing my stupid face. I am in the zone for sabotage. I am feeling so not worth it. I feel depression starting to come on. I don't cuss any more since I have children, but FUCK IT, SCREW IT!! That is how I feel right now.

Sister is coming back down tomorrow, so I know I will be pigging out again. I just can't keep on this way. Am I really going to let myself gain all 27lbs back?? Looks that way.

Ok, I am done for tonight, I am just not in the right frame of mind to post tonight. So I am off to mope and fold laundry. :(

OK, I guess I am starting tomorrow.

That's what happens when you don't have a good plan. I had too many things scheduled for after work and didn't think out my food. Sugar got low and ended up eating at MCD's at 4pm. Luckily, it was only a hamburger. No fries, but when I got home about 7 pm I was starving again and had left over marsala chicken and manacotti.

BTW, My anniversary was wonderful yesterday. DH cooked the above meal and I got a beautiful necklace. I will take a pic and post later.

So I have to make sure I plan my meals from now on. No more winging it.

Sorry this is so short, but I am exhausted so I am going to hit the hay.

My weight????

So August has come and gone!! Where did it go? Sister is gone and I am back to work.

Tomorrow is our 19th wedding anniversary! No plans. We are having to save money right now. Dh job of 20 years isn't looking too good so we are waiting to see if he will be one of the people laid off in a few weeks. We are saying lots of prayers, but you never know what He has in store for you. We have been very blessed our whole marriage. Never really had to worry too much about money. So maybe it is time he is going to test us.

So my weight you ask?? Well, I have been a bad, bad girl and I am back up to 200.8lbs. I gained 5 lbs since my sister visited. A total of 10lb gain since I lost my weight last year. I feel horrible, miserable, gross, and very dissapointed in myself. So I am going to get through tomorrow w/ our anniversary and I am getting back in the game.

Kathy has some great ideas for lunch that I can't wait to take to work and try. I am finding that lean cuisine isn't leaving me fulfilled. I want more. So these recipes should help me feel like I am really eating something and it won't be processed. I so love her blog. She makes every thing look really great and I am a really picky eater.

Well, I am off to take a napsy or at least veg. I am pooped. I did a lot of running around today.

On a break - 197.5

Just wanted to let you all know that my sister is here and I am having a hard time blogging. She doesn't know I do this and I don't want her to know. The computer is in the living room so haven't had time.

I will try to update here and there.

My weight as you can see is up 2lbs. :( My own fault. I am going to try to get back on track, but it is hard w/sis as we are not good together. We are both enablers. Just know that I am reading every one else's and I will see you on a more regular basis when things get back to normal.

Day 20 - 195.9

I am PMSING!!! UUUUGGGGHHH!! I hate this every 19-21 day cycle. I am thinking about getting back on the pill, but dh is against it and so am I somewhat. I mean what did he get a vasectomy for?? But I am truly tired of my cycle. It changed after I had kids. Something to think about.

Food wise I have been horrible. I have binged like crazy. I am surprised my weight isn't higher. Course it will go up as pms settles in. Why do I sabotage myself? I was so gung ho my last post, then BAM!! That evening it was all over. I haven't been able to stop eating since.

Tiger is doing well. So proud of her. I just need to follow suit. If she can do it, so can I!!!

Ok, today I pull myself together. Really get back to basics. I will have to go back and redo some of the book. I haven't picked it up and days and still haven't done the exercises.

I found a great blog last night. You can tell Diana is going to make it. She has gone from 239 and is 177. Her goal is 135.

I do have pictures to post of some of my foods that I have eaten the past few days, but I decided not to post them as they might make someone else tempted. They are your traditional go to foods during a binge.

I also have not written down any of my food. So I will be starting that back again today.

I do have some good news. My sister is now in NC!! She is in the same time zone now. They are house hunting, but she is so close that I want to jump in the car and visit. The only thing holding me back is I can't afford a hotel room. She has offered to pay, but I will not do that. I do have my pride. :) So I will have to wait for her to find a house and then she will come and visit. Thank goodness she is only 2 hours away. I never did get to visit her in Hawaii.

Ok.... TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY! I WILL DO THIS PMS AND ALL. NO MORE EXCUSES! Now off to clean the house to get my mind off food. :)

Day 17 - 195.2

I did ok yesterday. I did eat 5 of my flex points. I was starving about 10pm last night. I kind of feel like I am pmsing?? But it is a little too soon for that. I am just going to monitor myself and see.

b- yogurt 3pt
2tsp granola 1pt
l- 2oz lean steak 2pt (ate standing up at counter)
serv. cocoa pebbles 4pt (I know weird combo, but I was munching and almost got out of control, but stopped myself)
d- sub 6pt
1/2 c. pasta salad made lowfat 4pt(guessing, I think it is a bit high)
s- 2 servings pudding 4pt
1 cup skim milk 2pt
s- cocoa pebbles 4pt
Total: 29
Flex left: 30







I see WAY to many sweets here today. I must do better today.

Day 17 is end overeating. You know I am realizing that I really am not taking this book too seriously. I am not doing the exercises. I mean I am reading, but not really practicing. Some things have stuck like make sure I sit down to every meal and to focus more on my eating. I feel like this book is a repeat of books I have read before. I loved Geneen Roth and her techniques are exactly the same. In fact, I think I own all of her books. I guess because I have tried these techniques before and failed I am half heartily working this book.

Well, I am deciding here and now that I am really going to work at these exercises. I am going shopping today to get the supplies I need. See I haven't even done that. I have got to lose this weight. I am worth trying and doing my best!

So today is a "new" start. I am really plunging myself into this. I will do all the exercises!

I am off to run errands and do a little shopping feeling good about myself!

Day 16 - 195.5

So, I lost 3 oz for the week???? That REALLY sucks! I have to say that I did really well until yesterday. I had the munchies and gave in. Maybe, I am retaining water from the indulgence yesterday. I am not going to beat Tigerlilly this way. I guess I need to make sure I am perfect this week. Tiger I hope you did much better than me. I will check your blog shortly.

I made some wonderful rice for dinner on Saturday night. I sauted some onions. Added garlic. Then I added fresh parsley and thyme from my garden. It was DELISH!! We grilled out and it was so good!



These are the only pictures I have taken in a few days. I have been slacking.

I haven't been reading the Beck's diet solution. So I need to do that today.

Day 15 is monitor your eating and day 16 is prevent unplanned eating. Sounds just like the chapters I need to read.

I guess I am going to eat breakfast and read two chapters.

Day 14- 194.6

That's more like it!! Finally the number is going back down.

I am doing well. I don't feel like posting the last 2 days worth of food, but I really am counting and making sure I stay within my points. I do have it written on paper.

I had a nice day yesterday. I went into work for about an hour and a half. Then I took the kids to the park and we had a picnic. We ate some rotisserie chicken, baked lays, and mixed fruit for desert. I am so proud of myself that I really ate serving sizes and did not pick at the chicken. We brought it home and had more than enough for dinner for the four of us.


We went shopping last night. I got this nice plant for my bedroom.


I still need to paint our walls in our bedroom. I hate the color they have on it and it doesn't match my bedspread very well. We are going with a color similar to the gold in the bedspread, but it will be pearlized. I can't wait!!


We also got a patio dinette set. We haven't put it together yet. I will post picture when we do.

Day 13 is overcoming cravings. I have to determine my craving level, how long it lasts and figure out how to take my mind off of them until they pass.

Day 14, is to plan my meals a day in advance. Right now I am doing fine figuring it out as I go, but I know I will have to plan my meals when I go back to work. So, for right now I am going to enjoy my summer of not planning and trying to figure it out as I go.

Nothing planned for this weekend. I think I am going to finish painting some trim, putting the patio set together, and paint my closet doors, but that is about it. Well, I guess I do have a lot planned for this weekend after all. ;)

So, even though it is almost twelve I haven't eaten yet. Tummy is starting to grumble. Time to feed. :)

Day 12 196.3

Up, down, Up, down. I am not going win this challenge this way. I am staying within my points. So I know that this is from eating out last night. Probably too much salt in it. I know people say to only weigh in once a week, but for me that has an opposite affect on me. If I don't weigh then I stray. Always been that way. Keeps me in line as well as lets me see how my body truly fluctuates so I don't get upset when I have a gain. I can see a pattern.

I had a nice day for my bday. I got all gussied up. I haven't put makeup on all summer break. I actually felt somewhat pretty. :) We went to Chili's for dinner. I actually looked up what I wanted and figured in my points for the day. Dh gave me $50. Kids gave me some healthy dark chocolate that had 4 grams fiber. Russel Stover Private Reserve Toasted South Seas Coconut. 1 big square is only 1 pt. Dh did bring home cake, but he only brought a half one. Sorry no picture provided. So, I figured those points out into my day. So here it is yesterday's food:

b- breakfast cookie 3pt (I had been figuring the points wrong all along. Nice to get an extra point)
cup skim milk 2pt
L- chicken leg 3pt
1/3 c. low cal pot. salad 2pt
s- watermelon 1pt
1 choc square 1pt
d 1/2 buffalo chicken salad 12pt
ranch dressing 10pt
s-bday cake 5pt
1 1/2 cup skim milk 5pt
Total: 44
Flex left: 12





Ok, so I settled on the buffalo chicken salad. The lady was nice enough to box up 1/2 of the salad before she even brought it out to me. I forgot my camera so the picture is when I got home. I just ate it for lunch. The only regret is I did not order lite ranch which would have saved me a great deal of points. Today I ate it with my lite ranch I have at the house. I completely stayed on plan. Yes, I used a lot of my flex points, but that is what they are there for and I am really proud of myself. I did not say screw it, it is my bday and have an all out food fest.

We went to Wal-mart after and I got a nice plant and pot for my bedroom. I got a much needed shower caddy, and 2 trellises for my roses. Then went to TJ Max and got two rugs for my back entrances, and two pillows for my couch. They were only $14.99 for 2. I paid $30 for two pillows from Walmart, less than a year ago and they literally fell apart within a few month. I exchanged them for the same pair as I didn't have my receipt any more and the new ones did the same thing. I am almost done shopping at Wally World for house hold items. Stuff is too cheap. I will just use it for basics.








So as you can see I had a nice day!:)

P.S. Day 12 is practice hunger tolerance. It says to skip lunch one day and see how your hunger goes up and down. I did that last week at the movies so I am skipping this exercise. Plus I have hypoglocemia and I can get a low sugar.

Day 11 - HAPPY BDAY! 194.8

Today is my bday. Nothing really planned for today. I do need to plan my eating in case there will be cake brought home. I have to make sure I eat lite. I think I will have a very lean steak for dinner.

I am SO sore!! I reallly worked out on the wii yesterday. And I ran most of the time on the wii fit!!! I officially did 20 min. of wii fit, but my company and I played games for a couple of hours, like tennis and bowling. Plus I lugged some boxes up in the attic.

Yesterday's food:
b- breakfast cookie 4pt
c skim milk 3pt
l- burrito 10pt
watermelon 1pt
d- oatmeal 2pt
1/2 banana 1pt
7 pecans 1pt
c skim milk 2pt
Total:24
Yay! I didn't use flex points!



Today, I have to differentiate between hunger, desire, and cravings. Yay, fun. :) I pretty much know what they are. I mostly am craving foods. It is just learning to say no to those cravings.

Well, I am off to enjoy my day. I think I might do a little shopping, or maybe just sit my butt on the couch all day. :)

Day 10 - 195.8

Not a long post today.
Yesterday's food:
b- orange pancakes 8pt
c milk 2pt
l - chicken leg 5pt
corn 2pt
d- 2 ribs (extra lean) 4pt
slice cheesecake 4pt
cup milk 2pt
Total: 27
Flex left 32

Day 9 I was suppose to pick out an exercise plan. I think c2k5 is out at least for now. I think for the rest of the summer it will be wii fit and walking. When I start back to work I will use the elliptical there after work.

Day 10, I need to set a realistic goal. Break it up into smaller goals. So right now Tigerlilly and I are going to see who can make it to the 180's first. I have about 6lbs to lose. She has 3. Never know!! :) I have high hopes that I will kick some serious butt!lol

Today has been going well. I had company over and had lunch that for a change instead of getting a desert, we had watermelon. I got some exercise from the wii, but I am going to do some more tonight.

Nice to be on track again!

Day 9 -195.8

Offically down 3lbs for the week. I don't think it is a true loss as I am pretty sure it was from TOM bloat, but at least I know exactly where I am starting from.

Ok, the cookout. I wish that I had a great impressive post to write about it, but alas I faultered. I did only eat 16 crawfish and I had wrote down 24 for 4 points. I also didn't eat as much of my lo cal potato salad, but I still kept the amount to 4 pts. I also bought me 2 point angel food cake individual servings for desert. I did really well. Then someone brought fried rice and wings. Not on my plan. I did indulge in a 1/2 cup rice and 3 wings. Ok, so not on my plan, but I had 12 flex points to cover it. Got home and later that evening it was all over. I ate some left over steak, another angel food cake, and then around 11ish I had pb&j and 2 cups milk. :( Which led me into Sunday with the thinking I had already blown it, so I blew sunday as well. I hate when I do that. I really could have salvaged yesterday, but that negative thinking got the best of me.

So here it is with the best figuring of points:

Saturday:
b- breakfast cookie 4pt
cup skim milk 2pt
l- 16 crawfish 3pt
c pot salad 4pt
angel food cake 2pt
blueberry cake 5 pt
1/2 cup milk 1pt
d- 4 oz steak 6pt
angel food cake 2pt
s- pb&j 5pt
2 cups milk 4pt
Total 38
Used all of my flex plus 2 more

Sunday:
b- orange ricotta pancakes 8pt
c skim milk 2pt
l- 2 oz steak 3pt
2 slices bread 2pt
glass of wine 2pt
d- 1 bbq chicken leg 3pt
1 rib 2pt
1 cup pot salad 4 pt
garlic bread (I ate a lot and don't know how many) 8pts(?)
1 slice cheese cake + several nibbles of choc. chips 10pts (?)
2 cups milk 2 pts
Total 46

Notice no pictures! I just couldn't take any pictures of me gorging myself. Maybe if I had I would have stopped. That is an idea.....

So, no wonder my weight was up by a pound today. I have no one to blame but myself.

Day 7, I was suppose to arrange my enviornment. Well, I didn't have junk in it until yesterday when we bought the cheesecake. Fortunately, that is the only thing that is here, oh and a box of pudding. Luckily, I use skim milk and since there are 4 of us it is divided equally and the points should come out to 2. I don't have any chips, or snacky things in my house. I just need to get rid of the pb&j. Kind of tough when your family eats it too. I just have to have some resolve there.

Day 8 is prepare to diet, which I have not read, and day 9 (today) is select an exercise plan. So I am off to read and get some focus.